Dat Fuckrant

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I mean, Fat Duckrant.

I’m angry, dear reader.

Nope, I’m beyond angry. I’m furious.

I haven’t been this enraged since “Firefly” was axed. *mutters* Fucking Fox Network suits.

Why am I furious?

I didn’t win the ballot to secure a reservation at the “The Fat Duck” pop-up restaurant in Melbourne in 2015. I had over 20 entries into the ballot via family/friends/employees.

http://www.broadsheet.com.au/melbourne/food-and-drink/article/fat-duck-ballot-drawn

I feel like saying, “But, do you know who I am?!”

(Sorry, I have to run off on a small tangent, because that “Do you know who I am?” remark reminded of the brilliant Eddie Izzard “Death Star Canteen” piece that was recreated using Lego characters. I could watch this over and over for hours. I won’t. But I could, if I wanted to…)

But Gaz, I still don’t understand why are you so upset?

I know Heston. I love his work. We’ve gone to some of the same events together (see section 9 here: http://garethedwards.com/2014/08/07/10-reasons-this-planet-is-fucking-awesome/). I’ve dined at The Fat Duck in Berkshire, UK on several occasions, and I was excited to see the new creations he would be introducing in Melbourne.

heston

Now in fairness, I know Heston didn’t personally review all 89,000 booking requests as part of the ballot. If he had, I’d be on the fucking list.

And I realise it was an automated ballot system. But that doesn’t make me any happier. I want my fucking Golden Ticket(s), Wonka!

So where to from here?

Hunger strike? Fuck no. A hunger strike to get a reservation at a restaurant is like fucking for virginity, or fighting for peace.

Now my only option is to secure a place on the “Waiting List”. The fucking waiting list. Is there anything worse? Fine, I know you’re going to say “What about the Holocaust”? Well this is a close second.

Failing that, I need to find out which one of my dear acquaintances did chance upon a reservation in the ballot and politely grovel for a seat at their booking. Anyone who knows me, knows how much I hate the notion of even contemplating that.

I hate owing people. *shudders at the thought*

4 thoughts on “Dat Fuckrant

  1. Bitemybark

    Imagine the denial email 48 hours later that everyone else! I call total fuck up and they owe me! Those invites were ours and then snatched away.Upside cancellation list is going to be epic cause the majority of the plebs who won can\\\’t afford to go and keep their houses. Theses still hope!This will minamalise integration from ingesting the pure unappreciation of the chosen few who won\\\’t even understand the gift. They\\\’ll end up stopping at McDonald\\\’s in the way home because they didn\\\’t like the menu.Fucking c**nts!

    Reply

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